


iodine

by shockingsoda



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: BeFoUr, Fluff, Gen, Oneshot, Sad, Sad Louis, Zayn Leaves One Direction, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, louis is dating harry, mind of mine, zouis as bromance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6349984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shockingsoda/pseuds/shockingsoda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis found out about Zayn's leaving. And this is what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	iodine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Today is 25 March 2016, a year from Zayn's leaving. And I decided to post this, I made it a while ago and I guess this is the right time? I hope you enjoy it! Don't forget to leave kudos!

It was going to be done.

Everything, it was able to be done.

Pain, pressure, sadness, it was all going to be done.

Until that day came.

 

Zayn heard the footsteps of person who was walking towards him. He was still typing on his phone before it was grabbed harshly. As he looked up, he saw Louis in front of him with red and puffy eyes, cheeks full of tears and anger written on his face.

"Why do you even want to do that?" He whispered.

Zayn acted confused. "Do what?"

He scoffed. "Don't act stupid, Zayn. We know. At least, I know it for now."

He only stared at Louis' eyes. He didn't know what to say.

"You're not happy with us? After all of this?"

He took a deep breath. "Let me just explain it to you, okay?"

"What's there to explain? I thought you told me all your feelings?" He said mockingly.

"Louis, please sit." Zayn eyed the seat in front of the couch he was sitting on.

He exhaled deeply before he did as Zayn told.

"I was happy." Zayn started.

"I thought you weren't." Louis scoffed.

"Louis, please. Just listen to me."

He wiped his face from the tears before looking at Zayn closely.

"All of us have fans. They love you, me, all the boys."

He sighed before he continued.

"But not every each of them loved me."

"Zayn, I have haters. Harry has. Liam has. Niall has too. Then why, why can't you deal with it? It-It's just haters, they couldn't change you." Louis said, now without his anger.

"But they hate me-They hate me so much, Lou. More than you could see." 

"Really? But they don't kill you, do they?" He mocked a bit. But his voice was still shaky, showing that he lowkey didn't want to mock.

"Louis, please stop."

Louis shrugged. "I'm not doing anything."

Zayn sighed. "Since the first, I didn't want this."

Louis lifted his face to look at Zayn. His eyes widened in disbelief. 

"Are you.. are you even serious?"

"I've never been in a group before this. My career used to be mine. Only mine."

"And to be in a group, of course it needed me to adapt myself to this new thing."

"You didn't want us since the start?" Louis felt like he's being choked. He couldn't believe what his bestfriend just said. 

"Of course I did, but I'm just not used to be in a group."

"Since the first, I already found it hard. But I thought if I did it longer, it would be easier. In fact, it doesn't change. It's still hard, even though I've done it for years."

"When the time passed by, hoping it would be easier, it became harder. I started to have haters."

Louis scoffed. "Haters. Oh, such a big deal." He tried to cover his shaky voice with a harsh tone.

"People don't hate you as much as they hate me, that's why you can't understand it."

He rubbed his temple and huffed in annoyance.

"People don't say you used drugs when you're absent in an interview, right?"

He sighed.

"And they don't give you tons of cheating rumours."

"But Harry was given tons of cheating rumours too."

"We're different, okay? You know what, Louis? I can't deal with that. At all. It haunts me all the time. What if my girlfriend believes it and leaves me alone? What if everyone hates me since then?"

He cleared his throat before he continued. "I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But when I did that, the pain hurts me instead of them. What would you do first if you were me, Louis?"

He looked at Zayn's eyes while he was thinking about it.

"I would choose the pain to go to me instead of hurting people." 

"You're lying."

"I'm not!" He defended himself.

"Stop acting like you're a hero, Louis."

Louis was taken aback at his mate's words.

"It's not like you've never broken down in my arms."

That memory came back to Louis' head. That time, he was so tired of hiding. He didn't want to hurt Harry for faking dating with older women and being a womanizer, so he decided to do it instead of Harry but it finally hurt him too. He started to lose sleep and meals of stress, until Zayn went to his house and he finaly opened up to Zayn after lies that said he was okay.

"It's only about time, isn't it?" Zayn said.

"You were able to stand it, but you eventually broke down. Now, can you still call your selflessness a solution?"

"What happened to you that time, is what happening to me now." Zayn continued. "I was able to stand all the pain, all the hate, all the bullet was sent to me. But to survive with that condition is just not me, Louis. I can't."

"Me, surviving this long, is even out of what I had expected. I thought I'd be able to do this just for a year or two, but it turned out to be four years-Four years, of something I never really wanted."

Zayn didn't realize when a tear slipped down his cheek.

"The only thing I know, I did this for our fans. I lasted here for four years, for our fans. But sometimes-"

"Selflessness doesn't make everything okay." Louis cut in with his head hung low.

"Yeah. Right." Zayn smiled a bit.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Louis whispered, he didn't trust his voice not to shake if he speak louder.

"What could you even do if I had told you?"

Louis shrugged. "Make you feel better, be a place for you to hold on."

Zayn smiled at his sweet act. "Believe me, you always do. And you've always been that place. Even though you weren't there when I planned for this."

He could see Louis giving a light smile to his own lap. But soon followed by drops of tears.

"I'm sorry not to be there for you." He let out a heart-breaking sob.

"Your decision will give a big effect, to us, to the fans, to everyone-" he sniffled.

"I know, Louis. But if I don't, it will hurt me even more. I don't know if I could stand the pain anymore."

"Zayn, you-you're acting stupid. You h-have me, y-you have u-us. You will survive. I pr-promise."

"Maybe I will survive, but not in this band anymore."

Tears fell from Louis' eyes more than before. Zayn could barely hold himself from not holding the older lad as he was shaking from crying.

"I-I don't want you t-to .. let them d-down." Louis whispered as he cried even more. Zayn sighed and he gave in to move forward and hug Louis tightly. 

"I don't want, either. But that will be time when they get stronger, won't it?" Zayn smiled. He heard Louis muttered a small 'yes' on his chest.

"They will be better-even better than the best they were able to be, they won't be the girls who easily cries at simple problems-I know they will be much stronger than now." He felt Louis' tears had soaked the front side of his shirt, but he didn't care that much.

"And when I meet them again, they will be happy and brave girls who love me, not only for the band, but for myself."

"It will bring so much good effects, Lou. It will just be like when you put iodine on your scar. 

Maybe it will hurt at the first,

but it will fix the wound."

\---

25 March 2016

"I've done this before

Not like this

Not like this"

-Befour (Zayn)


End file.
